Thursday, 20 June 2013

Back on here and gonna keep up this time...

Me and Skye...Had been making her laugh in the mirror :)
My gorgeous little girl crawling on the grass in a dress that her age group but is way way way tooo big for her...
Love her little smile and laughs so much..












I have been a bit slack for a while and i wanted to get back into keeping up to date about my gorgeous daughter so i can look back at it in years to come so hear goes again...

Its been bloody ages since i last wrote on here and to be fair, i dont know where to start!

Such a little poser...love her to pieces!
Me... Well im now back at work at some shit heap which i really need out of...its driving me crazy with all the shit people there that have nothing better to do with their lives but to bitch and be soooo two faced. SICK OF IT! IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE! Grrr...RANT OVER! Me and Karl are doing very well and even though we are engageed i cannot wear my engagement ring once again because ive got so fat its digging into my finger and making it really sore :(

Skye... Well as i am back at work, Skye is at nursery from 8am till 6pm and she absolutely loves it...she makes me sooo proud ! She has made a few friends and absolutely loves the staff there and me and Karl do... they just so relaxed and chilled and when we pick her up together sometimes (Karl normally picks her up) we have a right laugh with the staff its good :) Skye is now obviously crawling (which she has been doing since 5 months old) and sitting up and she also climbs up and walks along furniture which she has also done since 5 months old. She keeps letting go and having a bit of a wobble and then grabbing back on but she is getting there... so wont be too much longer.
Skye and me.. Love the way she is looking at me :)

Nanny let me have a couple of licks of her ice lolly but it wasnt enough, i simply wanted more so i nicked it off her!

She also has two bottom teeth and one trying to come through at the top. She looks so cute now she got two little teeth at the bottom not that you can see them properly as they only like half way through but still when she laughs she looks so adorable ! I didnt even know she had her teeth come through until i let her bite a bit of a cherry tomato and she like nearly took my finger off, and now she has teeth its a bloody nightmare... the other week i was sat on the sofa with my feet down and skye was crawling on the floor and she decided to bite my little toe, GOD I JUMPED! I jumped so much i nearly kicked her in the head but luckily i didnt :)

Skye also said her first word about a month ago...she started saying dadadadadada... :( wish she would just say mum... even if she said it just once i wouldnt mind ! She is now 8 and a half months old and growing well, she got weighed on the 11th June and weighs 15lb 9oz.  Still sooo tiny but doing well... Except she been having a few convulsions and so has been referred to hospital due to me being epileptic and we are now waiting to hear back about her having an EEG so fingers crossed it wont be too much longer waiting and we can see whats going on in that little head of hers.

Anyway im off to sleep now as have to get up at 6am to get myself ready for work and Skye for nursery.
NIGHT!
Xx

Monday, 3 December 2012

Paranoia

Things are just so hard to explain. Nobody understand what I've been through and why I'm so insecure and all i can do is apologize for being like it but i will never truly forget all the things that made me this way and that's why i cant stop thinking, what if ?

It all started back when i was in my first proper relationship with a person called Shaun. He was the I've of my life i have got to admit. We had something so good, so good that everyone thought we were a match made in heaven and we were. Then after about a year of being with him i saw he had been messaging another girl flirty text messages and this just so happened to be his ex girlfriend and that was it, i couldn't stand for it and that was the end of that.

The next relationship i had was with someone who was in the RAF who was called Tom, he was the next person who i really fell in love with. He knew straight from the start i was very insecure but still came across flirty and flirted with my friends. I put up with it because i loved him. I didn't talk to him about how i truly felt and i think that's where it all went wrong and i regret not ever being honest with him about how i felt.

Next was a person called Shane. What a waste of time he was! We got on so well to begin with and i cant moan about how the relationship was at the beginning because i felt at the time it was great. Then after a few months it all went downhill. He treated me like dirt, he cheated on me, he told me what i could and couldn't do and could and couldn't wear, he told me i looked fat and that nobody would ever want me. I felt like it was all my fault, i thought i needed to change. He was so controlling and looking back on it now i don't know why i kept going back to him after he treated me like that but i did (more fool me, i know.) When we split up for a few months i even started going out with a bloke called Martyn, and to be fair, i cant fault him on anything. He treated me like a princess, he took me out for meals and he really was the nicest bloke in the world and for once i felt like i belonged, that i was worth it and then i messed that up by taking Shane back ! What was i thinking ? And one day we were on holiday and i found out that he had been sleeping with his ex girlfriend so he got a flight back home and went back to his ex girlfriend.

My next love is Karl who i am with now... We have had our ups and downs but i think everyone does. Technically Karl hasn't cheated on me but Karl doesn't really understand why I'm paranoid and insecure even though I've told him everything. All he says is 'Not all blokes are the same' and i get that but when you have been hurt so many times you just get used to it if that makes sense. Karl is a flirty person, i have always known that and i know that will never change but its so hard. I just feel like I'm not good enough, it puts me on a downer.

My self confidence has shattered since Shane and i still feel crappy about myself and i hate it ! I used to be a size 8-10 and now I'm more like a size 14. I hate it ! I know I've just recently had a baby but it doesn't help how i feel in my head and that's the thing i need to sort out.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

My first post

So, i decided to make a blog after my sister told me how addicted she was to hers. I will be using it mostly for writing about my little girl, Skye as it would be nice to look back on. I may also throw in a mixture of other posts along the way.

Where do i start?
My daughter was born on 03/10/12 and weighed 7lb 7.5oz. The labour was a nightmare i have to say...i was a week late and so they decided to induce me due to me being epileptic. They tried inducing me three times when they decided they were going to send me home to have a couple of days break from the prostin and to then try it again. The stress of it all ended up making me having a seizure, so they decided to keep me in. The next morning they were able to break my waters (what a relief that was) and that's when my dignity went out the window! After about 3 hours, i was completely shattered, baring in mind i hadn't slept for 2 nights due to the prostin giving me contractions. I then made the decision to have some gas and air...and what a relief that was. Gas and air is good stuff and i recommend it to everyone.After 4 hours on gas and air i decided enough was enough and i was too tired to just do it on gas and air so i decided to have an epidural. Not the nicest of things but isnt as bad as everyone makes it out to be!
My other half got my parents to come up the hospital and at about 6'oclock they all suggested they would go to the canteen for something to eat as the midwife said it would still be a while as yet and that they had nothing to worry about. After 5 minutes of my other half and my mum leaving to get something to eat i screamed to my midwife, i felt the urge to push. My midwife whom i have to say made me very calm told me that i couldn't push because she wasn't far enough down but i kept telling her i knew how and what i felt like i needed to do. She examined me and that was it, i was ready to get pushing. I was panicking like anything, i thought i was gonna have to do it on my own!
My midwife asked for my other half's number and after trying to ring him and getting no answer i started worrying even more so i got her to try my dads phone and what a surprise, dad didn't answer either and by this point i really did think i would have to go through it all on my own and that was it...i needed to start pushing! Finally, my other half came running through the door and all i can remember thinking was thank god for that as well as thinking i could kill you right now! My mum then came walking through the door with not a care in the world...well until she realised that i was actually pushing. 15 minutes passed of pushing and all i can remember is them saying 'One more push and you will have your little girl' and all i kept thinking is about time..Next thing i knew, my little girl was out, and was laying on my chest clenching onto me and looking up at my face with her bold blue eyes. All i kept thinking was Oh my God, she is beautiful, i made her and she is all mine.

 

Now she is nearly two months old (i cant believe how fast it has gone already) and she is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen but then i would say that :) She can now hold her head up on her own and after 2 weeks of being born she gave us her first smile...it was the most amazing feeling ever!
She is also trying to take steps (with me holding her under her arms of course) but she absolutely loves it.
Skye already has a favourite song and believe it or not its this; Psy - Gangnam Style.
The other day all the way through the song all she done was smiled and as soon as the song finished she cried. As much as i like that song, after about 8 times of it being repeated, it does get very boring but whatever floats her boat and keeps her quiet i'm not complaining!

So...what else is there to say about my little girl...Oh she has an illness called MCADD which is rare apparently but isnt harmful unless she doesnt feed. It is too hard to explain the full details of this but putting it simply, all it means is that she cant convert her fat into energy like most babies so it eats away at her fat so then she loses weight :( This means she cannot go longer than 5 hours without a feed! The hospital picked up on it through her heel prick blood tests. The midwife also didnt understand why Skye had lost more than 10% of her body weight in just 4 days after birth when babies are only supposed to lose 10% of their body weight in 10 days. Everyone was really worried about her, i even was accused of not feeding her (and i cant explain how that made me feel, to think someone would think i would be that horrible to my own daughter). As long as she feeds okay we have nothing to worry about, if she doesnt feed we have to give her some SOS formula and then contact the hospital where we would have to take her to be drip fed. Fingers crossed that will never happen!

 

So...anyone got any pregnancy and mother and baby stories ?
I would love to hear them and maybe even make new mummy friends :)

XxX